I Loved, and I Loved and I Lost You
by IAmThePoisonedYouth
Summary: Missing scene from 2x20 where Klaus helps Kol clean up after killing Davina. {Spoilers} (Klaus/Kol bromance, mentions of Kolvina and Klamille)
Conversation blurred in and out of focus as Kol's mind whispered to him, the shrivelled edges of his conscience mocking what he had done, what evil he had committed.

He killed _her._

Davina Claire, the only woman who had ever lived that was able to tame the beast he held inside, who had made him a better person, whom with her beautiful innocence had taught him to love again after a thousand years of cruelty and monstrous deeds.

And then the beast had gotten the better of him thanks to the ancestors and he had tainted that innocence, and had spilled it across the floor. He had _murdered_ her as if she meant nothing, and now, his mind was reeling, his heart aching from the guilt.

His clothes were stained with her blood, he could still taste her in his mouth, sickeningly sweet. He could hear her sobs and screams and it tore him apart inside, and seeing Marcel, a man he loathed, in such pain because of him only added fuel to the fire.

He wanted - needed - it to stop, but knew if he shut his emotions away, they'd eventually all come rushing in. Also, he'd get away scot-free for Davina's slaughter, and he knew that wasn't allowed to happen.

He had to face the consequences of this, even if they didn't find a miracle to bring her back.

The worst of it all was that he felt so angry at so many people - at the ancestors for making this happen, at himself for letting it, at Lucien and at Klaus and at Elijah, and they weren't even to blame for it, not entirely. He just had to be angry otherwise the grief would hit him, and if it did, he'd be breaking apart in front of his entire family, a situation he'dve rather avoided.

He was brought out of his musings by the sound of Klaus' voice as he gently touched his shoulder, "Come on, Kol… let's get you cleaned up."

Kol allowed himself to be lead up to the washroom, Klaus' hands tracing calming patterns in his shoulder and it hurt him to think that just a day previous, his elder brother had also lost the love of his life. They were kindred souls, moving in sync through the agony and heartbreak of loss.

Klaus helped him undress, unfazed by Kol's nudity having washed him when he was a child, and having spent over a thousand years with him. They knew each other too well to be embarrassed.

When Kol stepped into the shower, the water running down his face, he longed to cry and scream, he longed to have the emotional strength to react, but he was just starting to feel numb, knowing that everybody he and his family touched were bound to be cursed.

"I'm sorry, Kol." Klaus sighed, grabbing his brother's face so that he could wash all of the blood off his chin, "You do not deserve this."

Kol countered, "You can talk. I heard about Cami." his voice cracked with sincerity and he noticed Klaus flinch, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Klaus lied, "But right now, I am worried about you."

Kol let Klaus lead him out of the shower after he was clean, then saw his brother fetch him some clean clothes. Before he could help dress him, he held up a hand, "I'm capable of dressing myself, Nik."

Klaus nodded, leaving the washroom for a couple of minutes, listening to the calmness of Kol's heartbeat as he clothed himself, looking for any signs he might break so that he could help him through it.

Kol left the washroom, his head bowed, and Klaus led him to his room, declaring, "I think we should talk."

"I'm fine, Nik." Kol pretended, as if he was trying to convince himself, "At least… I will be."

Klaus sat down on Kol's bed and relentlessly signalled for him to sit until the younger rolled his eyes and did so, closing in slightly on himself.

Klaus cupped his cheek, "It's okay to be heartbroken, you know. I won't judge you."

"I-I don't want to start crying, _Nik."_ Kol's voice cracked, and his eyes filled with tears, "If I allow…" he swallowed, "If I allow myself t-to feel…"

Klaus stopped him, moving his hand to take the younger's trembling ones, "I won't judge you, Kol. I promise. I am here for you."

"You're still dealing with your own heartbreak, w-with Cami!" Kol's voice was shaking now, and Klaus could barely remember him ever so emotional, like his very being was going to crack into a million pieces.

Klaus felt a swirl of sadness at another mention of Camille and sighed, "And I will deal with it, but I am a brother before I am a lover, Kol. And Elijah and I have mistreated you so much over these past thousand years that now, you don't even feel like you have the right to come to us." he assured, "The love of your life just died, brother. And it is _so, so_ unfair. But we are going to do something about it. I promise. Until then, you will always have me."

A sob passed through Kol's lips and he ducked his head immediately in shame, the tears slipping down his cheeks as his emotions finally got the better of him. He felt Klaus' arm wrap around his shoulders, bringing him close. Klaus' thumb rubbed his shoulder as Kol wept into his neck.

"I know, brother." Klaus mumbled, his own heartbreak evident, but he shoved it to the back of his mind, desperate to be a good brother for once to Kol.


End file.
